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THANK
YOU ALL for participating in this most excellent CFFC #9! Unlike the
astronaut, the last thing we want is for this amazing trend of
participation to stop ((Very smooth Si.)). Y'all are awesome and we
are super happy to be judging a competition with actual entries that
we didn't write (optimist, that's me!).
And
now, with no further hilarious and distracting memes, let us continue
to THE AWARDS OF DOOM.
Honorable
Mention
David
Jacob Uitvlugt's Torture
Si:
Ha! Great twist! Love the way the story leads readers done one
particular path (WHAT IS SON DOING?!), the way the truth isn’t
revealed until the verrrry last line, the natural dialogue between
the parents. Some of the lines exchanged are particularly great:
“Healthy? I wouldn’t call anything he’s doing back there
healthy.”, “Sometimes you like those strange urges.” I would
have liked a bit more tension as the piece progressed, as for such a
short writing form, the conversation is a bit drawn out. Poor George!
This is a great, funny, light piece. Great story!
Rin:
I have to admit, I was worried where you were going with this, given
what it sounded like you were suggesting the boy was up to, but that
last line had me laughing. It was a good twist, but I do warn(any
participant) against suggestive phrasing in the future as that is
something that at least 2 of our 3 judges dislike seeing in an entry.
However, the dialogue was amusing, capturing the feel of a married
couple's light banter well, and I liked the characters, especially
George. My favorite bit is '“Healthy? I wouldn’t call anything
he’s doing back there healthy.”' because now that I know what
he's complaining about in context, I have to feel for him, having
listened to not-so-good young musicians play myself. Those guitars
can be painful in the hands of an inexperienced player. All around,
it was a fun story.
First-Runner
Up
Steph
Ellis' Siren Song
Si:
Beautiful, haunting piece. I love the way it starts with the
siren--foreshadowing, but not so much that we know what’s coming.
Bit by bit the setting gets revealed--which I understand as the
landing of one of the atom bombs on Japan, based on the clues in the
story, though it could also be a futuristic setting. The twist where
the orange glow appears--sunlight, Chiyoko thinks, and then becomes
something much worse--is very well done. The ending. The
juxtaposition of the man in the plane and the destruction below is
very poignant. The part with Little Boy is a bit confusing, I’m
not entirely sure what’s happening--I did like the phrasing
“whispered Little Boy sadly as he sent forth his killing wind. ”
a lot. Well done!
Rin:
This story pulls you right in with thick with good description,
tension, and a feeling of inevitable doom just around the corner. I
loved the nudges to history contained in it, but I agree with Si that
the 'Little Boy' part was a bit confusing. Who was Little Boy? The
bomb? The pilot? My favorite line was 'She was already running from
this world to the next even as she scrambled back into the shelter,
hurtling down steps that dissolved with every movement, carrying her
terror and innocence with her.' because it paints a clear image in my
mind of what she was experiencing and was a beautiful bit of
description. The last paragraph probably shouldn't have begun with
'And', grammatically speaking, but aside from that, it wrapped up the
story neatly, giving a feel of desolation and weightiness. Great job!
And,
without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--
Y1W9
Winner!
Alana
Dill
with The Siege
with The Siege
Si:
Yes! I love the tension and the immediate start to the story. No
info-dump, no explanation, but it’s not needed, we jump RIGHT into
the action. I like the desperation in the characters (excellently
shown by “Can you climb up to the roof? Write 'HELP' on it with
kindling sticks?”. Great dialogue! Excellent tension for such a
short piece. I love the idea of animals suddenly going
crazy/attacking humans for seemingly no reason. I want to know more
about this situation--is this an animal zombie apocalypse? Have the
animals just had enough? Are they fleeing from something worse? I
WANT TO KNOW. Awesome, fun, and fast-paced story!
Rin:
I loved the description in this piece. My favorite line was 'They'd
awoken to sudden, deep snow. A last few leaves had fallen atop the
drifts, leaving red-orange puddles on the white forest floor, like
too-fresh blood.' A great piece of imagery! The pace was swift and
kept the story moving along smoothly. I enjoyed the way that this has
been broken up like chapters, giving it a more 'full story' feel. The
only thing that I would have suggested to change is the line 'Jeb
sighed. “They're already hibernating,” and sat up dizzily. “Any
food left?”' because it is grammatically incorrect. The first bit
of dialogue should have ended with a period and the next sentence
started with 'He' or the comma stays and be followed by 'he said,…'.
Aside from that, it was a great story!
The Seige“I hate it. I wish it would stop.” Sarah watched through a chink in the second-floor shutters. They'd barricaded the stairs. “Goats climb, right?”On the bed, her guide, Jeb, opened his eyes with effort. Smeared blood had glued his lashes together. “Yeah.” The deer attack had left him woozy and weak.“We're surrounded. Deer, raccoons... a wolverine?” She wondered if they could climb the cabin's exterior walls.“They can't climb up to the second story.”“Bears can.”Jeb sighed. “They're already hibernating,” and sat up dizzily. “Any food left?”“Just a SlimJim and a banana.” She turned to him. “How are we gonna get out of this alive?”“Someone will come looking,” he said. Both doubted that.•••They'd awoken to sudden, deep snow. A last few leaves had fallen atop the drifts, leaving red-orange puddles on the white forest floor, like too-fresh blood.He'd opened the SUV's hood to find an incinerated raccoon. It had chewed through the battery cable.The animals had chased them back inside.•••He said, “I shouldn't have left the buck strapped to the roof overnight.”“This isn't normal animal behavior.”“Nope.”In the distance, coyotes squealed, drawing closer.She shivered, “What are we gonna do?”“Can you climb up to the roof? Write 'HELP' on it with kindling sticks?”“The roof.”“Yeah. Maybe a passing small plane or helicopter...”“We're miles from nowhere and there's another storm coming in.”“So hurry.”
___Sarah climbed out the window onto the porch roof, then climbed up on to the main roof. Jeb handed sticks up to her. She was halfway through E when a distant rushing sound caught her ear. The black tree branches swayed at their tips, swarming from every direction, a furry, terrifying rumor approaching all around them.She screamed.Squirrels.
Amazing
stories all! Be sure to tune in next time for another EPIC round of
CFFC!
Who
knows what strange youtube video (has Mars shown you guys Yeah Toast!
yet? DON'T REMIND HER.) or highly amusing meme will pop up next? Tune
in on Saturday to find out! Until then...
*Si
and Rin are snatched away, screaming, as Flavio the Death Moth darts
in from overhead*
*in
the distance, an insane moth flies into the sunset*
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